I'm Not Afraid
by 0InScense0
Summary: Tris goes through her fear landscape once again, completely ruling out the fear of intimacy. But a new fear has appeared in the landscape, leaving her shocked. This leaves her with no other choice: to face her fear. It will be the hardest thing she has ever done. My first Divergent fanfic, please review and favorite!
1. I'm Not Afraid

Chapter 1: Fear Landscape

**Okay this is my first Divergent fanfiction, so please review and favorite! Also, give me ideas in the reviews, if you can. J**

**I wake in my fear landscape. The usual drowning, and heights, but there is something I can't place. I have a sixth fear. I used to only have 5, since I numbered out Tobias being in my last one. But he is back there again. Why, I ruled him out of my fear landscape, but he is back again. He's just holding my hand, standing there. I'm not afraid, so I breathe in and out, and soon it is over.**

Christina sits next to me in a chair. I gave her a chance to see my fear landscape for the first time, and she is next to me tapping her chin. "Still afraid of intimacy?" I shook my head. "No, I swear I'm not afraid of…" then Tobias pops into my mind again. "I think it's just a bug in the serum, no worries." Christina shrugs and walks back to the dauntless compound. Everything is back to normal, Jeanine is defeated, my brother is dead, and we are back. We still have a year of training until we finally get to choose a job. I flick the rest of the serum into the trash bin, and I walk back to my room. I manage to scrub out the last S in stiff that Peter put onto my bed about 3 months ago, and I lay down staring at the ceiling. How can I be afraid of Tobias? He's my boyfriend, and I'm not afraid of intimacy, not anymore at least. I roll over to my side and see Uriah snoring. I think of Marlene, her smile, the way him and Marlene held hands under the table. Then of Lynn, so afraid to be vulnerable she shaved her head. I think of Uriah clutching her hands while she took her last breathes. I turn away. Too many deaths, I think. Too many sad, lifeless deaths. I realize that I have fallen asleep as Tobias nudges my shoulder. "Tris," I wake up and I wince. He raises an eyebrow, "Are you alright. You seem a bit shaken up." I shake my head, and get up. I wrap my arms around his neck and I clutch him close. I am not afraid of him. We walk out of the rooms, and down to the dining hall where they server Dauntless cake, hot wings, pizza, potatoes, and noodles with a special cheese. Dauntless food, it has been a long time since they served Abnegation food. I think of peas, little round, puny balls. My mother always cooked them to make them juicy. I serve myself a slice of cheese pizza, a potato, and a water bottle. Uriah comes in with his hair standing in different places. Zeke laughs and points at him, "Good morning, sleeping beauty." Uriah mocks him, and sets his tray of wings and noodles down. "Ha-ha. Very funny." I take out a comb, and start to brush his hair. Uriah laughs as I pull hairspray Christina let me borrow from my bag. "I think that's enough." Shauna joins us at the table, wheeling herself in. "Hi." She pulls up next to Zeke, and kisses him on the cheek. Uriah picks up noodles in his hands, "So Tris," he eats the handful of noodles, such a child. "I heard we were being paired up in training, I'll go easy on you." I shove my fist into his temple. "It should be the other way around." I laugh, and I shudder as Tobias sits down next to me. "Hey, what did I miss?" Uriah opens his mouth to talk, but Christina clamps her hand on his mouth behind him. "Don't talk with your mouthful, that's just gross." She sits next to Uriah, and she fiddles with a bracelet on her hand. Tobias squeezes my healed shoulder. "Everything alright, Tris?" I pull him to the side. "I need to talk to you." The last thing I see is Uriah stealing my pizza slice.


	2. Confrontation

Chapter 2: Confrontation

I pull Tobias away, and we walk toward the Pit in silence. Water splashes my ankles, but I don't care. I want to find out why Tobias is in my fear landscape. I sigh and close my eyes. "So, I took Christina into my fear landscape." Immediately Tobias rushes in, "That is against the rules, Tris. People can't see-" I interrupt. "I know Tobias. It's just that, you were in it." He turns away, "I understand you were afraid of—" I don't let him finish again. "That's not it Tobias! You were in my fear landscape again, and it's not… it's not that." I blink away tears. He grabs my hand gently, "Are you afraid of me Tris?" I jerk away. He knows this, and I'm not repeating it. Tobias has that look in his eyes, the look that signifies hurt. "Tris, we can talk about this with me, you can trust me." My eyes land on his, his dark blue eyes. They would look beautiful light blue… "How can I trust you when you're in my landscape?" And with that, I walk away. The dining hall has been emptied, and my tray is gone too. I go to look for the others, and I find them huddled around in a circle. "Tris!" Christina jumps up and walks to me, "where have you been? We looked around for you after you left with Four." Usual Christina, always interrogating me. "I was hanging out with…" I almost say his name, "Four. Why, did anything happen?" Christina drags me back to the circle, and there sits Uriah, Shauna, Zeke, and Lauren. "What's going on?" Christina crosses her arms, "they are all going through her landscape again, to warm up for training." _This is exactly why I don't want to be an instructor,_ I think. Uriah flashes his eyes opened: he is the first to escape, of course. His Divergence is only half way there, but he is pretty fast at the simulations. Uriah bounces up, "Hey Pansycake, chickened out on Lauren's landscape?" I smile, "Sorry, I needed to do something." Zeke pops up next. "One second, just one second. I would have beaten you, you know that right?" Uriah smirks, "Don't bet on it, bro." Then they start chasing each other, like little brothers. I wish Caleb wasn't a dirty traitor… "Hey," Christina says, "are you okay? You seem a bit… sluggish." I arc my eyebrows, "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" She grins, and it's a devious one. Soon I am dragged out of the room to the bathroom as Christina applies eye liner, mascara, and she brushes my hair. "If I would have been a Stiff, I bet we would have been sisters." She doesn't know how hard it is to be Abnegation, especially when you're me. "I bet we would have, and if I were a Candor, I bet… yeah that's as far as I can go." She puts the hair brush down, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I shrug. "Let's get matching tattoos." I start to run away, but she pulls the collar of my black shirt. "Come on, just one more, I promise. And then no more ink." I sigh, "Of what?" She pulls on her coat, and throws me mine, "I dunno, we'll find out when we get there." We both run out of headquarters, and we wait for a train about halfway downtown. "It should be here…" A train whooshes by, almost knocking Christina off her feet. "Now!" We jump on the train, and we find some seats in the back. We pass by the Hub, and what's left of the Erudite headquarters. They are reconstructing the site, and the Erudite's new headquarters is behind an old abandoned chapel. I rock my head back and forth, pretending to listen to Christina babble on about training. Then we jump off, and make our way to the salon. Tori is there, recovered from her injury, and a new worker who I don't recognize. Tori pats the chair next to her. "Jason, you take Christina." Tori sets me down, "I never knew you would be coming back." I scoot my chair up, "Hey, no hard feelings remember?" She apologized after she called me a traitor, but she knew what I had to do was important. "Alright, so what will you be getting today, Ms. Prior?" I look through the catalogue. I see a picture of a small bird flying away from fire. Perfect. I point to it, and Tori has to squint. "Okay, little bird it is." Before she starts to put alcohol on my back, I say, "Go ahead and put grey flames along with the red, just to signify something, and make sure the bird has a long, thin beak."


	3. Run In

Chapter 3: Run In

**Note: Hi! I'm updating again, still no reviews :/ I know you guys are reading though. I really love reviews, just to get me motivated. So, fire away! **

Tori soon finishes, and Christina meets me back outside. "Aww, I thought we were getting matching tattoos. I got your name on my back." She turns around, and she slides up her under shirt. "Oh my, gosh, I'm so sorry Christina. I'll get your initials, your name is too large to fit on my thigh." She giggles, and we get on the train again. I look out the window and into the cloudy sky. Soon enough, I hear thunder roaring like a lion outside. By the time we get to the headquarters, its pouring rain, and Christina and I are soaked. She laughs, "If anyone asks, I pushed you in a lake." I punch her playfully, and I stop when I see Tobias cross armed, waiting at the entrance. "Uh-oh…" Christina mumbles. We both walk to the entrance, and Christina starts to open her mouth. "Stop, I don't need your Candor smart-mouth telling me what happened." I push Christina aside, "Don't talk to her like that, _Four._" He glares at me, "Christina you can go, I need to speak to Tris." She runs inside, and I clutch my shoulders. I wish I had an umbrella. Tobias stares down at me. "Tris, what was that. You get mad at me for being in your landscape and run off to get a tattoo?" "Who told you?" He sighs, "Who else? Uriah." I grit my teeth, when I get back to the room… "Don't blame him Tris. I was worried sick, don't you use your head?!" He throws his hands up. "It doesn't look like your worried sick!" I snap. He's never been this mad before. He clutches his palms to his face. "I'm sorry, Tris. But you don't know how much trouble you're causing me, to have you run off and leave me wonder where you are. I know your upset at me because I was in your fear landscape, but that isn't my fault! I can't control you or your simulations, so just stop. It's hard enough not having you here, but hating me? Do you expect me to live with that Tris?" I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I never thought of it before. While I'm getting tattoos and scolding him, he's over here worrying his head out. I never realized what a Dauntless I am. I'm so… selfish. I look down. "I'm sorry Tobias. I didn't… I didn't know that I was causing you to worry, I just…" I hug him, and I bury my face in his neck. "I just thought I would be afraid of you for some reason, and I just didn't want to be around you. I didn't know what you could be capable of." He starts to hug me back, and I relax. "I understand Tris. But you know you can trust me, right?" I pull away, "That's it! I think that's why you're in my simulation!" Before he could answer, I'm dragging him down the hall where they put all of the serums. I look through the containers, and I find the serum. "Okay, one for you, one for me." He puts his in his neck, "I still don't understand what we're doing Tris…" He trails of when I kiss him. I pull away, and push the syringe into my neck. "Just… trust me." Soon, we enter my simulation. Tobias helps me defeat the endless variety of crows. And then we are trapped in the tank of water, together. "Stay calm Tobias, the faster we get through this, the faster you see what my last fear is." Tobias doesn't disobey, and he stays calm. Soon, we are at my fear of kidnapping. Three men in black appear in my small Abnegation room, and I begin to fight them. I kick one hard in the jaw, and I make a gun appear and shoot the rest. More appear at my shoulder, and I breathe in and out. Now, we are in a room. Tobias is holding my hands, and we are face to face now. The other Tobias stands about 2 feet away, wide eyed. The Tobias holding my hand says, "You can trust me, Tris." Then we flash back into reality.

**How do you like it so far? Guess what you think her last fear is in the reviews!**


	4. Two Truths and a Lie

Chapter 4: Two Truths and a Lie

Tobias stands in front of me, looking down with that hurt look on his face. "Stop that." I say. He turns so I can't look at him. "I still can't place why you're afraid of me." I sigh, "I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of trusting you." He looks back up to me. "What?" "All this time, you never told me about attacking the Erudite headquarters, and you never told me about that conversation with your mother! About making the factionless—" Tobias interrupts me. "Wait, hold on. You eavesdropped on my conversation? Tris, how could you?" Then he storms off. I knew better than to talk about his mother that way, after he forgave her. I try to follow him, but he's already gone. I know I shouldn't have eavesdropped, I know. But it's his fault for keeping it a secret, not mine. If he wants to be mad at me… Then Christina walks in. "Hey, what happened with Four? Did he hang you from the chasm?" I can't help but smile. "No, he just wanted to talk to me about training, once again. So who are you fighting?" Christina sighs, "Some new girl, her name's Jaquelin. She's from Candor. I know I'm going to lose, she's as big as an ape." I laugh, although I should be upset. We walk down to the rooms, and we are the only ones in there. "Tris?" "Yeah." Christina takes a deep breathe. "You and Four. It's official, right?" I cock my head to the side, "kind of… I think." I lied. After what I said to Tobias, I'm not sure he will even step in the same room with me. Christina nods, "What does it feel like. I mean, what does it feel like to feel loved?" I am surprised by that question. She had Will, I'm sure she felt it. "But what about Will?" She turned away. "He didn't love me, it was just a like, you know? But you and Four, there's a connection there." I shrug, "I guess it feels… nice." She nods, and leaves the room, leaving me by myself. 4 hours later, I'm asleep. Uriah is in the bed next to me, and Christina is sleeping too. I get up and start walking down to the apartment like rooms. I stop outside Tobias' door. I almost knock, but something pulls me back. I finally get the courage to knock, but the door is already opening. Tobias starts to step out, but he stops when he sees me. "Tris? It's 12:30 what…" I press my lips to his, and I start to take out the tangles in his hair, making them puffy. He pauses "Not...Out…Here" We walk inside his apartment, and I press him to the bed. He runs his fingers up and down my back, just like he used to. I can almost feel the Erudite tattoo on his back. I stop, and I run my fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry Tobias. I just wasn't thinking about what I would do to you. I know I think I know what's best for you, but I just screw it up. I'm sorry…" I wipe my tears away, and he gives me a whole-hearted smile. "Tris, I love you no matter what. You're afraid of trusting me, but we can fix that, can we?" I think of a solution. "From now on, no secrets, we can read each other like books, alright?" He nods, and I hold out my pinkie. He laces his finger with mine, and we both say, "promise." I lay back down, and finally, I get some sleep after a week of insomnia.


	5. Training

Chapter 5: Training  
Note: I'm updating again! I've been busy, but I still have time to type. I'm using Notepad since I'm on a different computer,  
I usually use Microsoft Word but no biggy! Enjoy!

I wake with an empty stomache, and an empty side. Tobias left, he abandoned me. I'm all alone. The thought  
vanishes when I smell cooking eggs and ham. I bounce up from the bed, and I find Tobias is his puny kitchen.

"Good morning." He turns, then smiles. I smoothen out his hair and he says, "I didn't know you would be up this  
early." I stop, "What's that supposed to mean." I smile, and he puts a plate of egg and ham on my plate.

"Abnegation food? I never thought I'd be having it again, after what they serve here." I say. It's true, for the past  
few weeks all I've been eating is pizza and steak. You better believe I gained a few extra pounds. We stop talking  
to eat, and Tobias breaks the silence.

"Um, my mother." I set my fork down gently. "What about her?" Tobias sighs. "I'm going to visit her, in the factionless headquarters." I look down, and Tobias  
raises my chin.

"You can go if you want. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it for training." I take his hand away. "Wait, your staying there?" "Only for two days, Tris. I  
don't think you should come anyway. I don't want you to miss training." His watch buzzes. "Well, I'll see you in two days, okay Tris? I love you." He kisses me  
on the cheek, and he leaves.

"I love you too..." I take my plate and his to the sink, and I dump them in there. I walk back to my room to get ready, and Christina is tying her shoes. "Tris!  
Where did you go, you just left this morning." If only she didn't question me so much... "I just went to Four's place for a while. Meet me out there, I'll be  
out in a second."

I shower and dress in a black shirt, and some jeans. I try to put my short hair in a ponytail, but it doesn't work, so I leave it loose. My shoes have already  
found my feet, and soon I am out the door. Christina is riding on Uriah's back, and we run to the training room.

"Stop bouncing so much... Uriah!" Uriah slows down and chuckles. "Sorry, your just too heavy." Christina glares at him from above his head, "Thanks."

We arrive in the training room, and a batch of initiates are put with us. A tall girl with way too many rings, a frigid boy with glasses and blonde hair, and a very  
attractive initate that is twice my size. We have a new Dauntless leader, Devyn, and he stands in the middle of the room, as if examining us.

"Lauren! Take the already initiates with you, I'll take these fools." Lauren motions us over to the fighting station. "It's good to have you all back here, especially  
all of you Dauntless born initiates." A few howls and hoots emerge from the crowd, and I plug my ears.

"All of you will be fighting seperately. Dauntless born with transfers, and so forth. Your pairings are listed above me. On a slightly big chalkboard, lay 14  
names. The first one I see is mine

1. Tris vs. Uriah  
2. Jaquelin vs. Christina  
3. Zeke vs. Samantha  
4. Rachel vs. Tanner  
5. Alex vs. Bailey  
6. Tristan vs. Jacob  
7. Kaila vs. Isaac

Another girl, Geena, is not listed. She stands next to me, and whimpers. "Thank gosh." Then she walks away. Uriah steps up on the matt, and I gulp. I hope  
he was serious about going easy on me. I walk up to the matt, and I stretch. Lauren speaks.

"Remember, anything is allowed. The first one knocked out of the matt or literally knocked out, loses. You may also forfeit, but that will cost you a hanging  
from the chasm." A couple of whispers, and I over hear one.

"Is that the water thingy? I hate to be the loser that has to do that." I turn around, and I glare at the person. He is tall with a slight build, and he has a hint of  
a beard growing from his chin. "Go!" shouts Lauren. I am caught off guard, and Uriah pushes me to the ground.

"So much of going easy." I say. I get up, and I tackle Uriah. First, it's easy since I got him when he wasn't looking. Now he's kicking me and trying to pry  
me off. I slug him across the face, and he manages to kick me off. I scratch the side of my head, and kick him. He falls, and I pounce on Uriah.

"Go easy on me Tris!" He says after I slap him. I kick him hard in the stomache, and he winces. When he gets up, I try to knock him out of the matt, but instead  
he gets me in a headlock, and knees me in the belly. I fall to the ground, and I clutch my stomache. He wipes some blood from his mouth, and that  
give me the perfect oppurtunity to kick him off the matt. I build up my strength, and kick him so he is launched back. I won! People must be looking  
at me like I'm nuts. I'm so small I can barely hit a dog.

I get up from the floor, and Christina joins me in a bear hug. "Makes up for what Peter did to you." I smile at her, and I walk off the matt.


End file.
